I am so bad at writing I need help on this please! I need your advice?

THE QUESTION IS........What do you expect from a college education? How will it help you reach your life and career goals?.





I want someone to wear my gowns and make everyone鈥檚 head turn. I have always been drawn into Fashion Designing because I want to help someone feel good in what they are wearing. I know my talents have to be challenged to grow. Vera Wang is truly an inspiration, to get to that level of prestige and perfectionism is a life goal. Melissa Smart is a new favorite of mine too because she has the same taste I bring into my designs. My second designer I admire is Vera Wang because I want to get to that level of vision and prestige.





If I鈥檓 accepted into The Art Institute of San Francisco I will not let anyone down. This degree help will work along side more people and it will also help me grow as a person. I have never been surer about anything in all of my life. Just a few months ago I watched an old clip of the Oscars on a website, youtube. When I saw them walk the red carpet I felt in awe. I felt in awe because it鈥檚 like watching a masterpiece come to life. Education is priceless and it's a hard thing to come by. I鈥檓 interested in this school because I know that this is the right place for me to learn how to become more independent, most importantly I will learn the fundamentals that makes a designer successful. I want to be able to create a couture gown not for fame but because it as always been my dreamI am so bad at writing I need help on this please! I need your advice?
I would suggest you take out the part about the Oscars and change ';surer'; to ';more sure';. Also, they've probably gotten hundreds of letters naming famous designers, prestige, etc. Although at the end of your essay you do say that you don't want fame, by the time I got to that part I'd already picked up the message that you do because of the wording in your essay. Your essay should have more substance than that and it should stand out a little more.





If you really want to mention designers, mention a lesser known favorite so that you're not the 200th essay they're reading that mentions Vera Wang. I'm a Vera Wang fan too, but I think it would be better if you mention someone a little less famous and someone who's underground but probably known by those in the fashion business. Research designers online. Try looking through some hip online fashion sites. Another idea is to go through the Central Saint Martins College of Art %26amp; Design website for inspiration. Google it and go to the wikipedia page (link below) where you'll find a list of some of their alumni. Google some of the fashion design graduates in the list and look through their work for inspiration on things to mention in your essay. No need to mention the magazine, website or whatever you find anyone in. And don't mention youtube.





A few more tips:


-Do you know anything about the fashion design faculty at the Art Institute? If not, the school's website should have the names of the faculty that teach in the fashion design department. Google the names and look up as much info on each as possible. Ask yourself - who do you admire? Is there any specific teacher whose class you are particularly excited about taking? Why? What inspired you about their background or work?





-Talk about your passion for art, design, costume design, tailoring, illustration and/or pattern making, etc.





-Tell them that you know that you will get the skills and training necessary for you to succeed in the fashion business at the Art Institute, that the level of education you will receive and the creative opportunities you will get in your courses will prepare you for this industry.





-I really don't think that you should mention anything about award shows, red carpets or celebrities.





- What do you want to do with the skills you will learn at the Art Institute? Besides just wanting people to feel good about what they're wearing, what will be different about you? Do you want to do something like teach, give back, etc.? I'm talking about substance. For instance, Betsy Johnson (I think it was her) started a program a few years ago that taught fashion design to kids in the inner city in NY. I think they started a T-shirt company or something with everything she'd taught them. I can't remember the details, but that's what I'm talking about when it comes to substance. People don't need someone else to design nice clothes - you can get nice clothes at Target now if you want to. There are thousands of designers in NYC who do that right now. Consider doing something different with the skills you will learn.





-Ask someone to proof-read your letter for any spelling or grammar mistakes.





Wikipedia - Central Saint Martins College of Art %26amp; Design


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_Sai鈥?/a>





Hope this helps. Good luck. -:)I am so bad at writing I need help on this please! I need your advice?
I'm not sure how to make that perfect, but just a pointer you mentioned vera wang twice in one paragraph. Try to combine it together.





The second sentence in the second paragraph is not making sense to me. I don't think surer is a word, I would replace that with confident.





Anyways you should take it to one of your present or past english teachers and ask them to help you out.