Saturday, January 23, 2010

I just came out of a bad relationship, I need advice on how to start over...?

I was cheated on for a long time and recently found out and ended the relationship. He controlled my friends and I was only allowed to be with him and his friends. Im an intelligent, attractive, young (early 20's) professional, honest woman but i seem to be having the hardest time meeting guys. Im kind of shy which makes it even harder and because he didnt allow it, I really dont have any friends of my own to go out with to meet other people. Its causing me to become very depressed and I just dont know how to 'start over'. Ive been so upset since the breakup and havent eaten or slept in days. I dont want to be this way, i want so badly to be happy. I just work and go home everyday and feel like Im never going to get back out there. How do i rebuild my confidence, get over this depression, and get out there again? especially because Im so shy.I just came out of a bad relationship, I need advice on how to start over...?
as your confidence builds up, and your self worth returns, u will get to feeling better. but breakup's hurt, and they do take time to get over. u could begin by finding a self help therapy group, where u will find new friends, who have been through what u are now going through, they will be your support system. u were living with a controller who robbed u of your self worth, and confidence, but it will return to u. just see yourself as the confident girl u are, don't base how u feel about yourself on what happened. your not broken only your past relationship was broken. u were smart enough to kick the cheater to the curb, so your well on your way to feeling better and being able to move on.I just came out of a bad relationship, I need advice on how to start over...?
I too was in your shoes just less than a year ago after being in a physically and verbally abusive relationship. He controlled so much of my life that I was loss...literally! It seems that I had forgotten in some senses who I really was! Let me tell you though that I have come SO FAR in 11 months!! The thing that really helped me first and foremost was getting in touch with old friends...even if they don't live near by....just start talking to your old friends again. This helps ground you again and realize who you were when you were happy!! If you're able to meet up with old girlfriends for lunch or something...then do it! Do some soul searching and figure out what things in life really do make you happy...think about things you want to change! I was pretty much bound to the house....and my self esteem was shot! So I joined a gym...I started going to aerobic classes and working out wtih and meeting other women....and made friends. This really raised my confidence!! As far as meeting people just get yourself into a routine...that makes you feel good about yourself! Give it time for meeting the man of your dreams...just focus on friends right now and finding happiness and self confidence within yourself! Then and only then will someone else be able to see your inner beauty!! Hang in there!! I promise it gets better! You're about 10 years younger than me....and I was in that situation for 12 years...so if I can do it, I know you can!!
i say instead of jumping into the next relationship, work on you first. get counseling so that you can emotionally deal with your past. then i say sign up for self defense classes or martial arts so you can physically defend yourself. start one day at a time and you will get there. protect your assets, protect your finances. protect what is yours. get advice from an attorney. in today's time, you need to do what you can to protect yourself and what you worked hard to get. there are too many crazy people in the world that are looking for someone sweet and innocent to take advantage of. look out for you before you go looking for another relationship. work on you and your issues before you go hooking up with another man. there is nothing wrong in doing that and it is not selfish.
you dont have any friends to go out with at all? How about friends from work? Start going out to happy hours with people from work....enjoy these years, youre young and there are plenty of guys out there who are eager to get to know you, you just have to make yourself available, good luck
I went though the same thing...I joined one of those free dating sites and saw that there are plenty of fish out there....read the forums and you will find your not alone out there....get out and go for a coffee with someone who will listen...good idea not to jump into a relationship just yet. You will find you start to do things your spouse would let you do and it will feel great!! The internet has so much information from others on how to cope with this...things really do get better over time...
Well first of all dont worry about getting back out there yet worry about getting over your depression first. You have to get your confidence back up. Try going out to eat by yourself or have a drink by yourself. Maybe start making friends at work and ask one of them to go out after work for drinks or food. You can do it! Maybe treat yourself to some new hot clothes and then go out and strut your stuff. As soon as you get a guys attention your feelings will change.
Just think of yourself as a perfect person, and anyone in the world would be lucky to have you... got to think outside the box... build up confidiance!
Life is what you make it ..you have to decide how you want to live it !! wake up in the morning and tell yourself this is going to be a wonderful day ..and I am sure it will be better..just keep positive and tell yourself he was not right for you and that the best one is comming your way..positive attitude makes the difference you have control over that ..hope you can wake up with a smile
Allow yourself time to grieve and heal. Don't rush into dating right away or you'll get into an awful rebound relationship. Meanwhile, get a new hairdo, buy some new clothes, spend quality time with your girlfriends.





Take a class to keep your mind busy. You might meet a new friend there, and they might have some friends you can meet thru them. When you meet new people, just smile and say hello. It doesn't matter how shy you are as long as you can be friendly. Don't be afraid.
go to work, eat, sleep, do what you have to do, watch tv, clean the yard up, shop, buy only what you need, visit family and friends...





DO NOT JUMP INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP, UNTIL YOU HAVE THE GUY FOLLOWED TO SEE IF HE'S THE FAITHFUL TYPE! IF THIS MEANS YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMEONE SPY ON HIM TO SEE IF HE'S TALKING TO ANOTHER WOMAN ONLINE BESIDES YOU, DO SO! MAKE UP A NEW ID ONLINE AND TRAP THE SUCKER, THIS WAY, YOU WILL FIND OUT IF THE DUDE IS A CHEAT OR NOT! =)





that's my answer, and I'm stickin' to it, lol! you deserve 100 percent, don't settle for less, ever... even if you have to dump 100 guys before you find the right one! good luck! =)

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