Bad mother moment - need advice.?

Hi - I am a new mom to a 4-month-old precious baby girl. I love her to bits and pieces but there have been a few times, maybe 3-4 episodes in which I have ';lost the plot';. Last night was one of them. After having put her to bed at 8, she wakes up a little after 10.30pm crying because because of what I believe was the thunderstorm outside that could have woken her up, and I couldn't put her back to sleep again until 1am. I tried everything to put her to sleep, rocked her in my arms several times, changed her, fed her, even put her in our bed, but nothing worked. I was tired and wanting to fall asleep myself and at some points I couldn't help but scream at her ';Why won't you sleep??';. This morning I woke up, with her beside me, and when she opened her eyes she looked up at me and smiled and I couldn't help but feel like the WORST person ever for getting so angry at her last night. I just feel so guilty for having yelled at an innocent baby and I can't get over my guilt....Bad mother moment - need advice.?
First, I would say--- its ok. No harm was done. Just know that this is something that you cannot continue to repeat (which I think you already know by reading your letter).





Four months is a very difficult time for new moms. Most friends and family crawl out of the woodwork in the first 3 months to help you......and then all of the sudden all the help disappears......and even helpful hubby withdraws because he ';has to go to work in the morning';. New mom is left holding the bag.....24 hours per day/ 7 days per week.





So....you obviously need some help--- and rightly so. It is really really tough until baby is sleeping 12 hours straight at night which is probably still a couple of months away.





First, don't put the blame on your mother in law. Maybe she didn't hear you.....maybe she didn't want to interfere. Could be a number of things.





Secondly, talk to your husband. Let him know that you are feeling overwhelmed. Tell him that there may be times that you really need his help in the middle of the night. (He will just have to suck it up and go to work groggy in the morning-- trust me, he will live!).





Third, ask for help during the day and at night from friends and family. Tell your mother in law you would really love her if she could watch the baby for two hours while you snooze. Or tell your hubby you need him to help out at night. A lot of times we moms don't ask for help and just internalize everything because we believe we are supposed to be super human. Trust me, no one is super human-- I don't care what any of these other people have said here in their responses--- no one can do it all by themselves--- if they are doing it all by themselves, I bet they are not doing all of it that well.





Fourth, have a plan for the next time you feel this way. Your plan could be as simple as saying that you will put the baby in her crib and let her cry while you will walk outside for 15 minutes to gather your thoughts. Just have a plan and work the plan!





Good luck and best wishes and know that it really does get easier.....and you will eventually get more sleep!Bad mother moment - need advice.?
Next time if you feel the need to let out some frustration..have a good cry with her..it helps me..my 1 year old..has been having some rough nights when daddy leaves for work(nightshift 11pm-7am)and I have found myself crying with him..and then I just took him to bed with me..he calmed down..and then I layed him down in his crib..and he crashed..he was out for the night...When he was starting to teethe..one day..he was nonstop screaming while daddy was still on day shift..i found myself..laying him down..taking 5 mins to go relax and wash my hair real fast..and I came back a whole new person...So either next time have a cry with her..or lay her down somewhere safe..and walk away for a few mins..its not ferberizing or CIO..its taking time to get yourself together...





and about the MIL..next time she is goes to complain about something..ignore her..just like she ignored you and your child in the time of need...
You can't feel bad about it because there are going to be times when you want to scream. Next time put the baby down-go in the next room and let out a yell. who cares what time it is! Next, I personally believe that if your MIL came to stay with you just to help you with the baby then next time you feel like screaming - go ask her for help. Maybe she didn't know what was going on - or maybe she didn't want to step on your toes. At least next time if you ask depending on her answer you will know if she is being lazy or not. And finally being a stay at home mom isn't easy especially if you work from home too so I don't blame you for being stressed. See if your MIL can watch the baby for a few hours one day and go do something for YOU! It really does help. My MIL will take my daughter just so I can go food shopping and it really does do a world of good just to have an hour or two to myself (even if it is food shopping!) Good luck
Try not to feel guilty. All you did was yell, it is not the end of the world. The next time you start to feel that way, the best thing you can do is just put her in the crib and let her cry. Walk away and just take a minute or two for yourself. She will be okay to cry for a minute or two while you get your emotions/temper under control. Just walk away and breathe.


That is the best advice I can offer. Good luck.
That for whatever reason, usually hormonal changes, women go through this, not all, but a great number. If you have someone who can help you, mom, sister, aunt, friend call them, you need to rest, eat right and get out by yourself sometimes. See your Dr. tell him what your feeling, let people help and don't be ashamed of your feelings but don't hide them. This can get serious and it's nothing you do or don't do it's simply hormone changes.http://www.4woman.gov/FAQ/postpartum.htm
First of all, you are not a bad mother and you are not alone. I personally ';lost the plot'; a few times myself. Did anyone ever tell you to try making swishing sounds near her ear? The sounds are to mimic the sounds of what she heard when she was inside you. Just remember, it will get better. Make sure you take a nap today when she does, do not worry about the dishes, laundry and cleaning......that will always be there. Take care and congratulations.
you did everything you should do. if it gets to you, once she is fed and changed, i would put her in the crib, and walk out of the room and close the door. Just for a few min. Then you can take a walk around the house. And then go back in and try to comfort her.





The walk will help to settle your nerves and keep you from yelling at her. But rememeber, she doesn't remember things like that, so if it happens, it happens. I am sure most moms have done it, or thought about it. Especially those early hours when you need to sleep and she thinks you shouldn't.





And if you have to, you wake up dad, and have him take her for even 15 min for you to cool off and settle down.
First off, been there, done that. You're not alone. The best thing that helped me was to talk it out. It's not easy to find someone to talk to in the middle of the night. So I found solace by talking to God. Find your Higher Power, whomever he or she is and just talk or if your prefer to call it praying, then pray. Or, talk to your child. She won't say that you are wrong or crazy and she'll still love you in the morning.
Well, hon, it's your baby not your MIL's. She's done her stint with sleepless nights.





Your daughter obviously took the shouting in her stride, but I'd try not to let it happen too often. You sound very stressed (sleep deprivation does that to you). I know hubby had to get up for work this morning - but so did you. You may be staying at home doing the domestic bit, but that's hard work too. How much would he have to pay for an au pair to do what you do 24/7? He can do the odd broken night too; it goes with the territory as a parent and he needs putting straight.





In the meantime can you get your MIL to watch her for a couple of hours while you get a bit of sleep? It might also be worth having a friendly chat with your GP - there could be a touch of PN Depression lurking here.





You aren't the only one to run out of patience like that - we've all been there and anyone who says she's never even been close to snapping is either a liar or has a nanny of some sort.





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The fact that you recognize it was wrong to yell at your child is enough. Don't beat yourself up over this. Move on and promise to be more patient. Put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes, regardless of whether or not she's crying you need to defuse your anger in order to be a soothing mother.
as mothers, we all lose our patience. If we didn't our children would be running the house and they would never be disciplined. I understand that you have a tiny baby, though and she isn't ready to be disciplined or understand that you need sleep. We know this in our heads but it hard for our inner soul to understand how a person won't just be, so we can be, too. I had a very colicky baby and I yelled at her once also. I told her to shut up, but ya know what I never ever felt like physically hurting her and that is the important part. Sometimes we express ourselves vocally and as long as it is rare, and we are not abusive about it then it is normal and you will get through this. She still loves you and she forgave you a second after it happened.
First off congrats on your new baby girl.


What is happening to you is not unusual for new mothers. I have one question , Did your MIL come there to help after you had the baby or does she live with you all the time? I totally disagree with the other answer I think she should have got up and helped. When my 2 daughters were young they both had colic and I wondered how they could survive ob the amount of sleep they got. Does your daughter have colic? There are medicines out there for that now. Talk to your DR. about what is happening. Maybe you could get some sleep when your baby does through the day..Also...you are not a bad Mother..Good luck with your new baby and hang in there it does get better.
Awww...it'll be okay. Things like that happen to all of us, Mom's are human and sometimes we reach our breaking point. Just realize that your daughter will not remember this little episode at all so try not to dwell on it.


The best advice that I can give you for next time (and it will happen again!) is when you feel like your at your wits end, just put your daughter down in her crib for like 5 minutes or so and leave the room. Sit on the couch or open the door and get a breath of fresh air. And once you've ';relaxed'; as much a possible, then go back to your child and resume battle. lol


Either way, don't fret. Your lil girl is fine :)
Every mother gets frustrated with excessive crying at some point, so don't feel guilty about that. I don't think I have yelled at my daughter, but I have been very frustrated by her when she used to cry a great deal. I would try to calm her myself and eventually just had to hand her off to someone else and say I can't take any more and go out of the room. If you find yourself in this sort of situation again and you have done all you know to do, just put the baby down in her own bed and go out of the room. It isn't unreasonable to want some peace and quite when you have done all you can do. You can always return every once in a whilte to try to comfort and reassure her if she won't calm down, but I think it is important to have a break from the crying once in a while so you don't have to reach the point of frustration. Maybe you have tried these already, but some things that might calm her down are soft music or a pacifier. My 3 month old falls asleep if I stroke her hair. Babies are very forgiving as you have noticed. Your daughter knows you take care of her and loves you for it. Keep up the good work!
Not to be rude.... But #1 your MIL shouldn't have to get out of bed to help you.





#2 if you are a stay at home mom, it's hard for me to have a ton of sympathy for you.





I'm a single mom that works full time with absolutely no help from my son's father. I have the same problems you do on top of the fact that I have to get up every morning, no matter how my son did the night before and go to work.





I understand that it's hard, trust me, I do. But at least you have the opportunity to rest during the day while your baby is napping.





I understand there's frustration and everything and I don't mean to seem harsh, but hey, you've got it a lot better than some other people out there.





When you feel like you are about to go off the deep end, just put the baby down, walk away, take a deep breath, remind yourself that it's just a baby and they can't tell you what is wrong and then start all over again.





It will be okay.





EDIT - Ok, see you didn't say that you work full time from home or your MIL came to just help with the baby. So please let me apologize for some of the things that I originally wrote. Let me re-phrase - MIL should have DEFINITELY got her tail up out of the bed to help you, that's what she is there to do right now!!!!!!! And I do apologize for saying some of the thigns about you being a stay at home mom - I do feel your pain though. It will get better.





And you are definitely not a bad mom. All moms go thru this type of thing (definitely me for sure!) and it's just something you have to deal with. :) It will be okay though.